She screamed at the top of her voice saying, Mama why did you give birth to me? She kept “I was here” by Beyonce Knowles Carter on replay and started skipping, she was great at it, (works with letting out the steam) she skipped, 50 skips, 60 more sweating profusely and trying to catch her breath. The drowning thoughts were coming in again and she went on 50 more two different times and kept pacing around in her half empty room, Lord!! give me anything that can be defined as motion, anything but this. It was time to break forth she did another 20 and knew she was exhausted… panting and sobbing she was exhausted not from the skips but from mediocrity, from the ordinary, from concealed existence.
Only the fierce gets results, I mean who wins a boxing match playing cool without strategy? The fast, fierce and strategic player tackles and gives his opponent countless hits to weaken his defenses. She has fought battles the faint hearted couldn’t have envisaged or survived. Why should she quit now? Her life only just began; she was going to live while she was yet alive, while she is still breathing.
Just like a person fueling the tank of a car and turning it on because he/she has a destination in mind. You leave the gas running and hit the throttle gently navigating the steering wheel to your destination; she believed God must have still left her oxygen running for a reason, it must count for something, and she must face it daily. Chin up, a day at a time.
It was like she was being sucked down the core of an abyss but she awakened, the blinds were lifted up, despair changed to hope, guilt/acceptance, self crucifying/self love
she has hope, her heart is open right now and her spirit is willing.
Have you ever found yourself here before? please share